Monday, November 12, 2012

The Chain of Command in Marriage

If you are a lot like me, you have a three way battle with the idea of Submission and Headship within a marriage. Emotions and selfishness, culture, and wanting to please a spouse can make this so much harder and more complicated than it really needs to be. I have a weird personality; I hate... not strong enough... loathe conflict, but at the same time that need for justice is strong enough to make my stubbornness plant it's butt down when offended enough.  So I have the joy of needing to work on both sides to balance out my submission issues. Fun, huh? But honestly, submission is freeing when practiced correctly, especially when married to a spouse who strives to practice Biblical leadership. Here's the list I found on Focus on the Families website today:

______________________________________________________
What Headship Is
A husband who appropriately acts as the head of his home does:
  • Lead by example
  • Exhibit humility
  • Focus on building up others in the family
  • Demonstrate trust toward his family
  • Cultivate intimacy with his wife
  • Affirm his wife's strengths
  • Provide protection and safety
  • Delegate responsibilities while retaining the final authority
  • Take ultimate responsibility for the education and discipline of the children

What Headship is Not
A husband who appropriately acts as the head of his home does not:
  • Dictate orders without consulting with his wife
  • Seek to control his wife's actions
  • Need to "win" every disagreement
  • Criticize his wife's weaknesses
  • Use threats, intimidation or coercion tactics
  • Advance his own interests
  • Abuse his family physically, mentally, emotionally or psychologically


What Submission Is
Being submissive does mean:
  • Recognizing your husband's authority
  • Managing to the best of your ability those areas your husband has delegated to you, whether that be the family finances, childrearing or home organization.
  • Telling your husband when you need to discuss a decision further before you are comfortable with it
  • Finding your hope in God as the foundation of your identity
  • Willingly showing respect and honor to your husband
  • Building up your husband so he is empowered to lead (in other words, don't take the reins every chance you get)

What Submission is Not
Being submissive does not mean:
  • Letting your husband do all the thinking for the family
  • Agreeing with everything your husband says
  • Putting your husband's will above God's will
  • Depending on your husband for all your personal and spiritual strength
  • Acting out of fear

“The Chain of Command in Marriage” by Jocelyn Green, Focus on the Family
http://www.focusonthefamily.com/marriage/military_marriage/the-chain-of-command-in-marriage.aspx

Monday, October 29, 2012

Omaha, California & Sleep

50 degrees in Omaha feels a lot colder after spending every day in the outdoor pool in San Diego! Gabriel and I tagged along on Shaun's latest TDY job training to southern California for the past two weeks. Shaun worked hard and accomplished a lot, while Gabriel and I logged miles on the stroller walking along the bay and hours in the pool. My arms look great compared to two weeks ago with lifting the baby in the pool and not having the jumper with us, however the scale doesn't read any different. Dang it.

We were able to visit with Shamu's family, ride some rides, and walk along the windy Mission beach. I discovered that driving with Californian's wasn't as stressful as I thought it would be, and that my fear of spiders isn't at all unfounded after a near-death experience (my heart almost stopped, that is) with what I now think might have been a huntsman spider. I loved the food prices and the fresh produce- and taxes are less then Nebraska (Nebraska, what the heck?! People with mountains and oceans are allowed to keep more of their money!). Although I kept things tidy, it was great to have someone replace our daily doses of caffeine and new shampoo every afternoon so it would be there to comfort us every morning. All the cleaning ladies loved the baby, and several times I had three or four of them in the room trying to get him to smile. Gabriel backtracked on his sleep training, which we figured would happen, but overall he did great. He took his first assisted steps and learned how to get himself over his leg to get into the crawling position. He still mostly goes backwards, but he is slowly figuring out how to get forward motion moving in his favor. Given enough time, he can get where he wants to be.

After two weeks, I am very grateful to be back in my home with my own bed and the nursery one room over. I was so sad to move little man into the nursery, but what a blessing it is to all three of us as we all sleep better when he is able to go back to sleep without my aid. All of us are in better moods and less likely to have meltdowns after a good night of sleep. I miss the beginnings of the tan that I had started, but sleep is worth it. He hasn't slept through the night again yet, but we are getting closer. The Sleepeasy Solution is a beautiful thing, totally worth the money just for the emotional support you get from the book and dvd. I never thought I would be the mom crying in the next room, but I have a few times. It's totally different when it's your baby who you have cared for every second since conception. When realization hits that I'm leaving the room, that little face makes you want to take it all back. But Gabriel is now to the point where he will go down for a nap (that was the hard one for us) with less than a 30 seconds of crying, and fussing usually is over before we hit a minute. It's such a relief to have him on a sleeping schedule. The book says babies his age should be taking two naps a day... Mr. Gabriel is having none of that. Two hours is his usual wake time maximum. Shaun was great that first really hard night. I armed myself with my phone stopwatch, a journal and some tissues. He brought me a glass of wine and was there for me when I was almost ready to quit the whole thing. I love that I get to do checks at 5, 10, and 15 minutes because it helps little man learn that I'm always going to be there when he needs me and I haven't abandoned him.

It's funny the things that interest me that I had no idea of before being a mom. Pre-baby, I would have been grumpy running on interrupted sleep and/or lack of sleep. Post-baby, I can get grumpy sometimes, but usually handle it okay, and am so excited when I do get sleep that I want to tell the whole world because everyone should celebrate with me, right?! I have the best reason in the whole world for when I don't sleep at night, but, hallelujah, sleep can happen post-baby as well!

Sleep training has really been not only an emotional journey for me, but also a spiritual one. Makes me think about the times when I knew God was there, but maybe I didn't feel his presence quite so closely, just as Gabriel was experiencing not feeling Mommy's presence and learning I am still there in the hallway to protect and love him. I won't go into specifics as this post is already long, but it's been a humbling eye-opener, and I find myself finally willing to learn some lessons I didn't realize I was resisting earlier.

Thursday, May 10, 2012

Beginning of the Ninth Month

Found this in my drafts, never finished it, but for the sake of not having wasted time, I'm going to go ahead and publish it.

I am not miserable by any means, but very excited to see my little man's face for the first time. So when I say I am ready to have him here anytime starting next week when he will be officially "full term", I mean it- but I'm not complaining- I'm a wonderful mix of anxious/excited! I am a little uncomfortable, but that's to be expected. I felt the baby hiccup in a new way this week- I felt his diaphragm contract and his head react to the hiccup less than half a second later- one hiccup= two movements. It's so cool to experience his development this way! My body is telling me that the baby will be here soon, in just the past two days I have felt the beginning signs of the baby "dropping" and my hips and joints in general are tired feeling as they stretch and loosen so the baby can do his thing. I am fighting acquiring a "waddle" but when I'm tired and forget, it happens. I have put my 4 inch heels away with pride that I made it through my eighth month still able to wear them. I'm way tired and need to make sure I take breaks from doing anything during the day- something that will start on Sunday. The one thing I will say I'm not very fond of is the feeling that happens for several hours throughout the day of my belly feeling so tight and firm that if it grew any more the skin would rip- which of course I know isn't true and somehow there will still be more room.
God has been so good, His timing in when things happen to me has been as close to convenient as possible. The baby is due just after a raise Shaun will get which will replace my paycheck, allowing me to stay at home instead of sending Gabriel off to daycare. I am so grateful to both God and Shaun for giving me this gift in a generation where there is so much pressure financially and mentally to have both adults working outside of the home. My goal for January was to come very close to completely finishing five big weddings I'm working on for the May-June wedding season this year. I have been a little overwhelmed trying to make this happen- but with 11 days left in the month, I am excited to say that this goal has become a reality! It's a reality just as my body is telling me that I can't push myself as far or as long as I do anymore- perfect timing!

I am trying to take advantage of my motivation/nesting during the work day while Shaun isn't here so we can enjoy this last month of "freedom" together. Movie nights, teaching him piano, reading and sitting by the fire (because we keep our house frigid- completely my fault), playing with the dogs- none of these things will go away when the baby is born, but there will be another human to take up our attention who is 100% dependant on us. I'm soaking up the last moments of us being just us until we become empty nesters. I have to admit that I'm looking forward more to date nights being something more special. Now every night is a date night that we don't have homework or real work to do in the evening, but soon it's going to be family night every night, making going out just the two of us that much more meaningful.

I can hardly wait to hold my son for the first time.

New Summer Recipes!

White Rabbit Salad

This one I proudly made like my great grandmother- nothing measured, just dump items of choice as much as you want. Add, delete and happily eat away! I stole this one from my friend, Shaula- who stole it from a mutual friend,  Jef. As a general rule of thumb, if Jef makes it (a chef for a local catering company), and Shaula approves it (a personal trainer), it's going to be delicious and healthy!

Start with cottage cheese and mix in whatever healthy fruits, nuts and seeds you like. Here is what I used- please note that the picture I am going to attach is after two days old. It's still good, but doesn't look as pretty as when freshly made.

Cottage cheese, one diced apple, one diced orange (or can of mandarin oranges not diced), sunflower seeds, grapes (halved), honey, lemon juice, and my friend Shaula (whom I stole the recipe from) puts in poppy seeds.
                                         White Rabbit Salad

Chicken Hawaiian

NO COOKING NEEDED!! Woo-hoo!

1 (12.5oz) can of chunk chicken breast (Kirkland brand, Costco, used acceptable preservatives for me)
1/2 cup celery, diced
1 medium apple, chopped
1 cup pineapple chunks
2 T. plump raisins  (I added WAY more to mine cause it was so good)
2 t. toasted sesame seeds (I didn't have any, so I subbed with sunflower seeds)
5 T. mayo (I used Canola)
1/2 t. curry powder

Mix Mayo with curry powder and combine with all other ingredients. Top with extra sesame seeds.

                                         Chicken Hawaiian


Sassy Chicken Salad

NO COOKING NEEDED!!

1 (10oz) can diced tomatoes and green chilies, drained (I diced my own fresh)
1/2 cup mayo (I used canola)
1 T. honey
1 (12.50z) canned chicken breast
1 cup celery, thinly sliced
1 cup grapes, halved
1/3 cup toasted pecans, chopped (I subbed with sunflower seeds to make more affordable)

Mix and chill


 Unfortunately, it didn't didn't last long enough to take a picture of this dish.


Pasta Carbonara
4-6 servings

3/4 lb penne
8 bacon slices, cut crosswise in 1/2 inch strips (I used real bacon bits)
1 cup heavy cream
2 eggs
3/4 to 1 cup freshly grated Parmesan cheese (I hate grating this stuff by hand, so I used packaged)
salt and freshly ground pepper to taste
Pinch of paprika
fresh thyme leaves and sprigs for garnish (haha, totally didn't purchase this)

1) Cook penne in salted water according to package. Reserve 1 cup cooking liquid and drain, returning to cooking pot- cover to keep warm.

2) Cook, drain and prep bacon. Add cream to bacon and simmer for three minutes until slightly thickened.

3) Whisk eggs and Parmesan together, add to cream stirring well. Cook, stirring, until thickened. Remove from heat and generously season with salt and pepper.

4) Toss sauce with penne. Reheat gently if needed. If sauce is too thick, add some cooking water reserved earlier. Serve on preheated plates; sprinkled with paprika and garnish with thyme.


                                         Pasta Carbonara


Chicken and Tequila Fettuccine
4 servings

2-3 cans of chunk chicken breast
3 T. soy sauce
3 T. butter
1/2 cup fresh cilantro, chopped
2 T. fresh garlic, chopped
1/2 cup jalapeno pepper, finely chopped (it actually calls for 1/2 a pepper, but I made an awesome mistake and will continue making it with 1/2 a cup)
1/2 cup chicken broth
3 T. amber tequila
juice of 1 lime
1 red onion, thinly sliced (I am allergic to red onions, so I didn't use this)
1 red pepper, cut into strips
1 yellow pepper, cut into strips (I subbed with a green pepper, and I thought it tasted better)
1 1/2 cups heavy whipping cream
salt and freshly ground pepper to taste
1 lb spinach fettuccine, freshly cooked and drained

1) mix chicken and soy sauce; set aside. Melt butter over med heat. Saute cilantro, garlic and jalapeno for 5 minutes. Add brother, tequila and lime juice; simmer until a thick paste. Remove and set aside. (Mine was still on the runny side)

2) Add chicken mix, red onions and peppers to pan. Lower heat, cover and cook, stirring often, until chicken is cooked through and veggies are crisp-tender.

3) Add cream and cilantro paste to pan, Bring to a simmer, stirring. Season to taste with salt and pepper.

4) Add fettuccine to sauce and mix well. Serve on hot plates.


                                     Chicken and Tequila Fettuccine
       "One of the best things I have ever eaten!" - My husband, Shaun

Cooking - the art or practice of preparing foods

"Cooking" defined by dictionary.com as, "the art or practice of preparing foods." Indeed, I do consider it an art- more and more each day.

My dad loves to make breakfast, to the point where he has said many times that if he could open a diner that would only be open for breakfast and brunch that he would do it. My mom loves to bake with little helpers, the younger the helpers are (and the bigger the mess) the more fun my mom has- especially with Christmas goodies. This she inherited from my great grandmother, who was the ultimate grandma any kid could have ever hoped for.

The first memory I have of cooking was in Germany, in a little cottage my parents rented while my dad was stationed at Ramstein Air Force Base. I was about three years old, still in my nightgown, and found my daddy getting ready to make scrambled eggs. To my delight he pulled up a chair to the counter and offered to teach me how to crack eggs. I had to work with two hands because my hands weren't coordinated or large enough to handle an egg. I concentrated so hard, and was so proud of myself. I dropped at least one, and I remember my mom had to pick a piece of shell out of the cooked product later.

Christmas memories of licking off beaters and helping my mom dump ingredients into the bowl belong largely to my mom. She always had Christmas music in the background and we would actually "dress up" in our nightgowns (my sister and I, not my mom) and dance around with our nutcracker dolls pretending we were in the ballet while we waited for the goodies to bake.

My grandma was the first one to trust me with an electric mixer- and flour ended up everywhere! I remember her laughing while she cleaned us up. My grandmother was an amazing cook- the way to win a place in her heart was to simply ask for seconds of anything she made. She loved cooking and baking! She made chicken and rice once and my cousin and I couldn't figure out what it was- couldn't have been chicken and rice, and she was tickled pink at the looks on our faces when she told us. When I was in high school I was frustrated that I couldn't make things as good as she did, and she told me not to worry, "After 87 years of cooking, you will cook just as good as I can." She was about 90 years old at the time. My mom found a reprint of the same cookbook she learned how to bake with my great grandmother and taught us to bake from and bought them for us one Christmas. My sister and I both cried when we opened them- which lead to open weeping from my mom that it meant so much to us (mom is the type who will cry at Campbell's soup commercials, poor thing gets teased mercilessly by her kids for it).

When I got married, I thought I knew my way around the kitchen as I was in the kitchen for a least a few minutes every night growing up. I was horrified when I realized the truth- my list of things I knew how to make well was minuscule, and consisted mostly of deserts. Add to this the fact that our tiny apartment stove top and oven couldn't hold a temperature, and you have a lot hopes dashed in the life of a young bride. One of my best friends sent me all of her favorite recipes in a word document, and another gave me one of our favorite cookbooks still, almost four years later. We lived off of these and the microwave. Because of a tiny budget and a deep freezer, we bought mostly pre-ready meals until a little over a year ago. By then my cooking had gotten quite a lot better.

Now I am finally at the point where cooking is fun- even by myself (I used to loath the kitchen unless I had a partner chef). My grandmothers influence is beginning to take root as cooking is one of the things that instantly comes to mind when I hear someone needs help or is hurting. Last summer I was soooo excited to start trying some great spicy new recipes, and then had to change plans to things that were bland and healthy as morning sickness came along with the pregnancy of my handsome son. So this summer, I am taking full advantage!

Here are some of my goals:
- Keep things 80% healthy as one of my friends (a chef in the gourmet cooking world) says
- Keep things in budget (my husband openly laughs because we both are huge foodies and often decide to break that rule taking $ from somewhere else to indulge)
- Use fresh produce and try to limit processed foods- except ones where I approve of the preservatives
- Stay away from using the oven too often, using the grill more
- Spend limited time on preparation as wedding season is on and I booked 12 weddings for a three month period of time


Sharing food was a gift of all my grandmothers, so I will share the recipes that don't flop for everyone to enjoy! I got a little crazy this past week and tried six new recipes- of which only one was a flop (whole wheat bread sticks).

Thursday, January 5, 2012

Remembering to Remember the Men!

   It is so easy, especially for someone as task oriented as I can be, for us pregnant women to get so caught up in nesting that we forget that our husbands need to be appreciated too. It's also easy to slip into the "spoil me, please" attitude when we are the ones with achy backs and sleepless nights. No, I'm not saying stop asking for back rubs or an occasional night off cooking. However, remember he is going through a LOT right alongside you, especially if he is wonderfully involved and supportive.
   The organizer/list maker side of me takes over and says, make a list of 20 things your husband is going though with this pregnancy- then see how many more you can come up with. Now see what emotions take over- I bet you are feeling one thousand positives about him and can't wait to come up with ways to spoil him a little!
   The best advice I think I have gotten through this whole pregnancy had nothing to do with morning sickness, diaper cream, diet, etc. But rather to make sure I make time to make my husband a priority. Plan some date night and spoil-him days to do the things he loves before parenthood, as much as you are looking forward to it, comes. Maybe it will help both of you relax a little- and don't forget to keep it up after the baby makes his grand appearence.

Here are some ideas to start off your list of things your man is going through:

-  He is adjusting to the new diet- healthier foods, bland foods (for those with morning sickness), he is cooking more often, getting used to what smells you never knew turned your stomach until it's too late, ordering food and having to trade you because what you ordered has sauce that you can't handle, eating a full meal taking forever because you get full after a few bites but know that your hunger will return momentarily, and don't even get started with the list of things you used to love but now can't handle (and vice versa!). If your man is already the thoughtful type, he has your likes and dislikes memorized and now when he tries to spoil you it's a 50/50 chance that you'll even like it. Don't even get started on cravings!
-  He listens to all the crazy changes happening to your body that you never realized were happening. All of a sudden it's making sense why you see pregnant ladies holding their bellies and only part of it is connection to the baby- you need someone to tell! He is the person there to hear about every little part of it.
-  He might have a long list of sympathy pains: backaches, headaches, nausea, weight gain/loss, cravings, food aversions- any of this sound familiar? Spoil him like you want to be when you are feeling like this. Maybe it's just sympathy, but maybe it's because he is adjusting to all the new things going on with you and are very real.
-  Extra chores while you nap when you would usually have tons of energy to do what you usually do. Pets, household chores, cooking, laundry, bathrooms, dusting, vacuuming, grocery shopping, meal planning (who knew it was so hard to keep food in budget?!), yard work- and all of this after a full day at work?!! He might need to start napping with you with that work load! Not that he never did any of these things before, but now he is doing it practically alone- especially if you are working as well and your energy is gone by the end of the work day. In later pregnancy your honey-do list is growing by the minute of things you aren't allowed to do anymore, and nesting and prep for the baby will replace the chores that you are able to take back over.
-  Everything is taking so much longer! You were ready to leave the house two seconds ago, but then you had to go to the bathroom (again) and you will now be five minutes late. Walking takes longer and longer the further along in your pregnancy you are, and except for the glorious second trimester, you have to stop at the bathroom three times in one hour?! (yet he doesn't blink an eye, even with road trips when you unrealistically beg for him to make a bathroom appear out of nowhere.)
-  Sleep deprivation isn't going to be limited to you. Every time you wake up you are disturbing his sleep cycle as well (unless he sleeps like the dead). Power of suggestion might make him follow your trip to the bathroom waking him up further, and when insomnia hits hardest and you accidentaly shut the door too hard or knock over something that lands with a crash.
-  He is dealing with you amplified- everything he feel in love with you for as well as the things that you don't even like about yourself have a tendency of coming out stronger than ever. Ever feel like you need to cry for no reason? While pregnant this happens more and more often, which is hard on your man who can take this as a fault of his for not making you happy.
-  He is adjusting to the idea of being a dad! What a blessing, and how scary!!! Go through this with him, I bet you are feeling a lot of the same things.
-  Classes and books baout childbirth every week. Lets admit it, as helpful and wonderful as these tools are, they can be daunting.
-  (Insert your own here)