Thursday, January 5, 2012

Remembering to Remember the Men!

   It is so easy, especially for someone as task oriented as I can be, for us pregnant women to get so caught up in nesting that we forget that our husbands need to be appreciated too. It's also easy to slip into the "spoil me, please" attitude when we are the ones with achy backs and sleepless nights. No, I'm not saying stop asking for back rubs or an occasional night off cooking. However, remember he is going through a LOT right alongside you, especially if he is wonderfully involved and supportive.
   The organizer/list maker side of me takes over and says, make a list of 20 things your husband is going though with this pregnancy- then see how many more you can come up with. Now see what emotions take over- I bet you are feeling one thousand positives about him and can't wait to come up with ways to spoil him a little!
   The best advice I think I have gotten through this whole pregnancy had nothing to do with morning sickness, diaper cream, diet, etc. But rather to make sure I make time to make my husband a priority. Plan some date night and spoil-him days to do the things he loves before parenthood, as much as you are looking forward to it, comes. Maybe it will help both of you relax a little- and don't forget to keep it up after the baby makes his grand appearence.

Here are some ideas to start off your list of things your man is going through:

-  He is adjusting to the new diet- healthier foods, bland foods (for those with morning sickness), he is cooking more often, getting used to what smells you never knew turned your stomach until it's too late, ordering food and having to trade you because what you ordered has sauce that you can't handle, eating a full meal taking forever because you get full after a few bites but know that your hunger will return momentarily, and don't even get started with the list of things you used to love but now can't handle (and vice versa!). If your man is already the thoughtful type, he has your likes and dislikes memorized and now when he tries to spoil you it's a 50/50 chance that you'll even like it. Don't even get started on cravings!
-  He listens to all the crazy changes happening to your body that you never realized were happening. All of a sudden it's making sense why you see pregnant ladies holding their bellies and only part of it is connection to the baby- you need someone to tell! He is the person there to hear about every little part of it.
-  He might have a long list of sympathy pains: backaches, headaches, nausea, weight gain/loss, cravings, food aversions- any of this sound familiar? Spoil him like you want to be when you are feeling like this. Maybe it's just sympathy, but maybe it's because he is adjusting to all the new things going on with you and are very real.
-  Extra chores while you nap when you would usually have tons of energy to do what you usually do. Pets, household chores, cooking, laundry, bathrooms, dusting, vacuuming, grocery shopping, meal planning (who knew it was so hard to keep food in budget?!), yard work- and all of this after a full day at work?!! He might need to start napping with you with that work load! Not that he never did any of these things before, but now he is doing it practically alone- especially if you are working as well and your energy is gone by the end of the work day. In later pregnancy your honey-do list is growing by the minute of things you aren't allowed to do anymore, and nesting and prep for the baby will replace the chores that you are able to take back over.
-  Everything is taking so much longer! You were ready to leave the house two seconds ago, but then you had to go to the bathroom (again) and you will now be five minutes late. Walking takes longer and longer the further along in your pregnancy you are, and except for the glorious second trimester, you have to stop at the bathroom three times in one hour?! (yet he doesn't blink an eye, even with road trips when you unrealistically beg for him to make a bathroom appear out of nowhere.)
-  Sleep deprivation isn't going to be limited to you. Every time you wake up you are disturbing his sleep cycle as well (unless he sleeps like the dead). Power of suggestion might make him follow your trip to the bathroom waking him up further, and when insomnia hits hardest and you accidentaly shut the door too hard or knock over something that lands with a crash.
-  He is dealing with you amplified- everything he feel in love with you for as well as the things that you don't even like about yourself have a tendency of coming out stronger than ever. Ever feel like you need to cry for no reason? While pregnant this happens more and more often, which is hard on your man who can take this as a fault of his for not making you happy.
-  He is adjusting to the idea of being a dad! What a blessing, and how scary!!! Go through this with him, I bet you are feeling a lot of the same things.
-  Classes and books baout childbirth every week. Lets admit it, as helpful and wonderful as these tools are, they can be daunting.
-  (Insert your own here)