One of the hardest and most blessed days of my life was the
day my son was born. I know, I know… veterans have war stories, mothers have
birth stories. When life boils down to basics and you see it beginning (or ending
for that matter), you can’t help but be forever changed by the experience-
especially when it’s a new life that opens a new chapter in your own life’s beautiful
story. I don't want to forget a moment, so this will be a little on the unedited side of things.
This story starts the week of Valentine's Day 2012 - I was 38 weeks pregnant with Gabriel.
I had an unplanned ultrasound during my appointment with my Dr. as my
uterus had stopped growing. Gabriel’s belly measured smaller than what the Dr.
was comfortable with. Another ultrasound was scheduled for three days later and
the Dr. said she wanted the baby born soon, but not to start worrying yet. She
stripped my membranes to help encourage things along. I was two centimeters dilated,
and she said if I wanted to encourage my body along, now was the time to do it.
I took some primrose oil on Valentine’s Day, and did some errands. When it came
time to make dinner, my appetite completely disappeared and I had to have mac ‘n
cheese, so our steak dinner plans were changed up a little. I realized that my “Braxton
hicks” contractions were pretty steady and started timing them. By bedtime,
they were every 20 minutes or so apart. So Shaun and I put together some things
for the hospital, and went to bed. After an hour and a half insomnia hit- so I
spent several hours rocking in the baby’s room enjoying his rolling around and
kicks, dreaming of holding my baby in my arms and what life would look like a
week from that moment. I was ready to burst wishing I knew what he looked like.
I went back to bed and the contractions were 8-10 minutes apart.
I woke up with Shaun
to let him know I was having contractions 8-9 minutes apart, so he delayed
going to work. After an hour of no change, I encouraged him to go in to work to
tie up some loose ends so he wouldn’t be worried about work when the baby
decided it was time to go. The contractions felt like mild menstrual cramps,
and I couldn’t even tell I was having some of them unless I had my hands on my
belly to feel it tighten. Shaun returned home before noon- he has wonderful
bosses who sent him back to work from home in case I needed him.
2pm, finally my contractions hit five minutes apart and
lasted for an hour and at 3 we were on our way to the hospital. I was so
worried it was a false alarm because there was hardly any pain. We told only a
few people we were on our way, just in case. We got checked in and my
contractions were confirmed- and then we sat there bored out of our minds for a
while. We took walks (I snuck graham crackers when the nurses weren’t looking
as my Dr. said I could eat), I wondered why on earth there were rails along the
walls of a flat hallway, and the contractions stayed the same. Sometime after 5
is when Dr. Pakiz told us that she was concerned about the fact that my uterus
still hadn’t grown and that if we decided not to have the baby tonight that she
would induce me that Friday for the baby’s safety. The ultrasound showed signs
of an aged placenta, which meant the baby wasn’t getting the nutrients he
needed from it if he wasn’t growing. So we chose to go for it and committed to
Gabriel’s birthday being February 15th! Dr. Pakiz broke my water
with a little crochet hook looking thing (completely painless, by the way), and
I felt the warm water that Gabriel had been swimming in give way. I felt so bad
for the baby; being born was going to be a lot like having to step into the
cold bathroom from behind the shower curtain after a long shower.
Shaun asked if I wanted to go for a walk to speed things up,
and I thought that would be wise after a bathroom break (at the point of
pregnancy where I was in the bathroom every half hour). I sat up and searing
pain seized- no, ripped through me. But I really had to use the bathroom, so I
tried to make it. Shaun held me up and a nurse was close behind as I had three
contractions just on the way to the bathroom. The plan changed to walking to
try to ease some of the pain, and we made our way out to the hallway. Whoever
said walking helps couldn’t have been more wrong. I like to think that I have a
fairly high pain tolerance, but within 10 steps I was on my knees clutching to
the rails along the walls I had wondered about before. It’s because you can’t
hold yourself up if a strong contraction hits- that’s why they are there. I
stupidly decided to try and walk again, and another one hit- my room seemed so
far away!!! Some freak (I wasn’t feeling very gentle at the moment) had their
kids in the hallways, so I begged Shaun to drag me into the waiting room (where
the kids should have been) so I wouldn’t freak them out. After it was over I
waddled as fast as I could to get to our room- but I didn’t make it. Five feet
away from being in my room and I was on my knees again vowing that if I could
remember how to breath that I wouldn’t leave the room again until after Gabriel
was born.
There was very little relief when we got back into room #3
of Bergin Mercy. Contractions weren't letting up at all, and my hopes of having
a natural birth seemed like insanity as it got harder and harder to remember
how to breathe. The nurses confirmed what I already knew but couldn't voice- I
wasn't getting any rest between my contractions, restarting every time I
started to feel any relief. My eyes were closed, and I felt awful for Shaun whose
hands I assumed were about ready to fall off from rubbing my back and hips to
draw the pain from being so concentrated in my middle. Shaun was awesome, he
really tried to help me relax, and I did my absolute best- but I couldn't let
my grip of his hand or the rails go and there truly was no relaxing my rigid
body. I'm pretty sure that Bradley Method guy wouldn't have lived had he been
in my birth room. Finally I convinced Shaun that I wasn't thinking about
changing my mind of going natural, it had been changed (another thing he picked
up from that Bradley guy was to ask at least twice if I was sure before asking
the nurse to call the guy to come get it done. I was now thinking I was an
idiot for having Shaun read that "dumb" book- glad I couldn't speak.
Truthfully I'm glad we both read it now that I'm not being asked if I really
want an epidural or not.).
My nurse was amazing- she and I had practically identical
pregnancies and she was just starting back after being on maternity leave, so
she had things fresh in her mind. She coached Shaun in how to be there for me
and helped me communicate when I couldn’t speak to tell him to keep helping me remember
to breathe, but for goodness sakes to stop breathing on me. I felt so bad that
I couldn’t communicate, but Shaun was amazing and helped me through it. The
epidural was worth the frustration of getting it applied (it’s really hard to
curl your back when you are 9 months pregnant and going through constant contractions),
but it took its sweet time in starting to work. After it was applied they
checked me again- in one hour I went from 3 centimeters to 9 1/2! Dr. Pakiz was
paged and I prayed for relief before the baby was born so I could enjoy
pushing. I was confident I wouldn’t have any energy to push with if I didn’t
get some relief. I kept being given ice chips, which I somehow loved and
loathed at the same time. One of the side effects of the epidural was that it
could slow the contractions, which I desperately hoped for so I could breathe
and regain some strength.
Gabriel was pretty stressed out with the constant
contractions and his heartbeat dropped from 144bpm to 70. An alarm sounded and
every available nurse rushed into the room and the on-call Dr. came in. My
epidural hadn’t taken pain away yet, but I was numb from my toes to mid-thigh
and couldn’t move myself. The nurses flipped me around to try and relieve the
stress from the baby, and they get all the credit in the world for their
strength and efforts. At this point there was a test on the generator system,
so everything went out for a split second- good timing. I was put on oxygen and
Shaun was asked to move to the corner so they could rush around the bed easily.
They put meds in my IV to slow my contractions down quickly for Gabriel’s sake,
and we were told by a very kind Dr. in a gray huskers sweatshirt that if the
heartbeat didn’t go up in two minutes that he would be preforming an emergency C-section
to save Gabriel’s life. He watched the monitor for a few seconds and told me he
was going to get scrubbed up- and that exact moment Gabriel’s heart rate rose
just a little. My miracle baby seemed even more like a miracle and I couldn’t
keep back a few tears of relief. Dr. Pakiz came into the room, looked at the
monitor and told us our baby was safe and it was time to start pushing!
On my back again, I realized my eyes were open and I could
talk between contractions for the first time- praise the Lord for epidurals!!!
I was able to enjoy every moment of pushing and got to be motivated seeing
Gabriel’s head and watch Shaun while he counted sooooo slowly to ten as I
pushed. The doctor helped the head and one shoulder come out from my
understanding, and then turned to Shaun and told him to take hold of his son
under his arms and pull him out. Shaun very carefully pulled a little as I
started to push one last time and the Dr. told him to pull firmly. So he did as
he was told, and delivered our son safely into the world.
The most amazing moment of my life was seeing my husband be
the first person to hold our son after carrying him myself for nine months, and
have him place Gabriel on my chest. He smelled like me, he was perfect, and he
was finally in my arms- I couldn’t bare to move my cheek from his long enough
to even kiss him, just needed to hold him close and cherish the moment. This
amazing love just overcame me- I loved him while I was pregnant with him,
however this love was unlike any other love I have ever experienced. You learn
over time to love other people, but your children rush into your heart so
quickly that you feel like your body will burst because your body cannot
contain it! No words can begin to explain it. Shaun cut the umbilical cord, and
the nurse took Gabriel to clean him up and measure him. I told Shaun to be sure
to follow the baby and the Dr. and I finished up what we needed to do. Inspection
was done on the placenta, and indeed, it was shriveled and looked used up.
Praise God for modern medicine and the safety it brought my son three times
before his birth!
Gabriel was born Wednesday, February 15, 2012 at 9:48pm. He
was 20 inches long, 5lbs 11.8oz with a tiny bit of blond hair and slate blue
eyes. Small but healthy. Alert and already showing a sweet personality as he
takes in the world around him and hardly cries at all.
He had a hard time keeping his temperature up through the night, so
he was under a heating lamp a few times in the nursery, and when the nurses
brought him back to us, I was relieved to recognize him (I had an irrational
fear that I wouldn’t) and they told us all the other babies would be crying and
he was super content although responded well to the nurse who rocked him. The pediatrician
told us the next morning that he would be monitored closely and there was a
good chance that he would go to the NICU if he continued having problems, so
Shaun and I did as much skin to skin time as we were able to keep his temp stabilized.
Sleeping was almost non-existent between the plastic pillow
Shaun had to use which made him toss and turn, the lady in the room next to us
who was constantly buzzing for the nurse, and the nurses checking on me and
bringing the baby in. We were allowed to leave the hospital after spending two
nights there with our healthy, temperature stabilized baby boy- and I even was
treated to a free massage before leaving the hospital!
There is nothing in the world like coming home with your
baby for the first time. Shaun showed him around the nursery and introduced our
dogs to him while I sat in the rocking chair, feeling like the most blessed woman
in the world. A new chapter of our lives had started.
