Monday, November 12, 2012

The Chain of Command in Marriage

If you are a lot like me, you have a three way battle with the idea of Submission and Headship within a marriage. Emotions and selfishness, culture, and wanting to please a spouse can make this so much harder and more complicated than it really needs to be. I have a weird personality; I hate... not strong enough... loathe conflict, but at the same time that need for justice is strong enough to make my stubbornness plant it's butt down when offended enough.  So I have the joy of needing to work on both sides to balance out my submission issues. Fun, huh? But honestly, submission is freeing when practiced correctly, especially when married to a spouse who strives to practice Biblical leadership. Here's the list I found on Focus on the Families website today:

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What Headship Is
A husband who appropriately acts as the head of his home does:
  • Lead by example
  • Exhibit humility
  • Focus on building up others in the family
  • Demonstrate trust toward his family
  • Cultivate intimacy with his wife
  • Affirm his wife's strengths
  • Provide protection and safety
  • Delegate responsibilities while retaining the final authority
  • Take ultimate responsibility for the education and discipline of the children

What Headship is Not
A husband who appropriately acts as the head of his home does not:
  • Dictate orders without consulting with his wife
  • Seek to control his wife's actions
  • Need to "win" every disagreement
  • Criticize his wife's weaknesses
  • Use threats, intimidation or coercion tactics
  • Advance his own interests
  • Abuse his family physically, mentally, emotionally or psychologically


What Submission Is
Being submissive does mean:
  • Recognizing your husband's authority
  • Managing to the best of your ability those areas your husband has delegated to you, whether that be the family finances, childrearing or home organization.
  • Telling your husband when you need to discuss a decision further before you are comfortable with it
  • Finding your hope in God as the foundation of your identity
  • Willingly showing respect and honor to your husband
  • Building up your husband so he is empowered to lead (in other words, don't take the reins every chance you get)

What Submission is Not
Being submissive does not mean:
  • Letting your husband do all the thinking for the family
  • Agreeing with everything your husband says
  • Putting your husband's will above God's will
  • Depending on your husband for all your personal and spiritual strength
  • Acting out of fear

“The Chain of Command in Marriage” by Jocelyn Green, Focus on the Family
http://www.focusonthefamily.com/marriage/military_marriage/the-chain-of-command-in-marriage.aspx